Love and Lost

i'm so stressed.
ACTs coming up for the last time (of my life!)
not well-studied/practiced. ..
do parents support my college and career pursuits? no
can i touch my shoulder? no
are the bills piling up? yes
father's job? who knows. ..
brother's condition? looks and seems better =) thank you God!
getting back into my groove? inconsistently
prepared to teach 5 year-olds about God? will i ever be . ..?
is everything falling into place? well . .. for the most part. ..as far as this year goes.

boo. i don't like how we are the only state in the USA required to take gym. but then i was watching TLC's marathon on the morbidly obese. ..it's so ridiculous how we have so much excess food and how people let themselves go. ..but who am i to judge? i never realized food could become such a serious addiction

my first LFL meeting was so awkward. ..i really felt like i didn't belong . ..like a sore thumb . ..but i know i need to be there. . ..part of this continuous process of breaking outta my comfort zone. thank God for my fellow sister! ^^

taking my senior portrait on tuesday. then rushing off to the teacher's meeting for Sunday school. ahh! i can't make the other training date now mandated by the state along with arch dioses though cuz of ACTs. ..omgosh.

i don't know what i'm doing. i feel so fatigued lately. and when i wake up i feel dizzy. maybe my body is still getting used to the old routine.

i finished writing my testimony. but that's like the only thing i've done for college. i'm determined to do early action. but for that to happen, i need to get my butt moving!

i WAS (notice the past tense) distracted by this stupid secular crush. it's gone. or it better be!

bahhhh did i ever mention i want to be on worship team? it's always been a secret of mine haha. i've only told like one person haha. but it's such a stretch from my comfort zone. and doesn't even seem plausible. but then i think about how God deals with servants who waste their gifts. and then i get scared o_O

i'm so unfocused. scatter brained. i mean look at how i even got into this car accident. but i really truly honestly want ONE home church. but even with these things, i can't even put in the extra persipiration of prayer. bum bum bum bum . ..

sometimes i think my elbow will just be stuck like this forever. if it wasn't for gym . ..i honestly wouldn't mind cuz i'm not that hindered . .. but even with that previous statement comes out my flaw. ..i settle. i don't fight.

maybe that's why i'm kinda scared of LFL. ..being a senior. ..being a teacher. ..an officer for h20. .. and a dm exec. ..did i mention i feel so hopeless about DM? . ..bleh. i know it's bad. ..but i'm just so unmotivated. ..ahh. ..and i'm such a wimp when it come to physical therapy. ..i don't cry or scream or anything. ..i make a face and hold my breath so she'll stop before i get to that point. ..not that it doesn't hurt like a;sldfkj already . ..

ahhhhh what ta do . .. 10% inspiration 90% persipiration. ..i need to stop saying my dreams so lightly when i don't even work or pray to attain them. ..

hmmm but on a more positive note.. .i have started exercising again! and i am crush-less =)
and SEE YOU AT THE POLE is in 17 days ^^
and i cleaned like half my room!
and we might have a yg girls' hangout at my house! whoa . .. way to feel useful hehe

Pray without ceasing. - 1 Thessalonians 5:17