Love and Lost

i'm so stressed.
ACTs coming up for the last time (of my life!)
not well-studied/practiced. ..
do parents support my college and career pursuits? no
can i touch my shoulder? no
are the bills piling up? yes
father's job? who knows. ..
brother's condition? looks and seems better =) thank you God!
getting back into my groove? inconsistently
prepared to teach 5 year-olds about God? will i ever be . ..?
is everything falling into place? well . .. for the most part. ..as far as this year goes.

boo. i don't like how we are the only state in the USA required to take gym. but then i was watching TLC's marathon on the morbidly obese. ..it's so ridiculous how we have so much excess food and how people let themselves go. ..but who am i to judge? i never realized food could become such a serious addiction

my first LFL meeting was so awkward. ..i really felt like i didn't belong . ..like a sore thumb . ..but i know i need to be there. . ..part of this continuous process of breaking outta my comfort zone. thank God for my fellow sister! ^^

taking my senior portrait on tuesday. then rushing off to the teacher's meeting for Sunday school. ahh! i can't make the other training date now mandated by the state along with arch dioses though cuz of ACTs. ..omgosh.

i don't know what i'm doing. i feel so fatigued lately. and when i wake up i feel dizzy. maybe my body is still getting used to the old routine.

i finished writing my testimony. but that's like the only thing i've done for college. i'm determined to do early action. but for that to happen, i need to get my butt moving!

i WAS (notice the past tense) distracted by this stupid secular crush. it's gone. or it better be!

bahhhh did i ever mention i want to be on worship team? it's always been a secret of mine haha. i've only told like one person haha. but it's such a stretch from my comfort zone. and doesn't even seem plausible. but then i think about how God deals with servants who waste their gifts. and then i get scared o_O

i'm so unfocused. scatter brained. i mean look at how i even got into this car accident. but i really truly honestly want ONE home church. but even with these things, i can't even put in the extra persipiration of prayer. bum bum bum bum . ..

sometimes i think my elbow will just be stuck like this forever. if it wasn't for gym . ..i honestly wouldn't mind cuz i'm not that hindered . .. but even with that previous statement comes out my flaw. ..i settle. i don't fight.

maybe that's why i'm kinda scared of LFL. ..being a senior. ..being a teacher. ..an officer for h20. .. and a dm exec. ..did i mention i feel so hopeless about DM? . ..bleh. i know it's bad. ..but i'm just so unmotivated. ..ahh. ..and i'm such a wimp when it come to physical therapy. ..i don't cry or scream or anything. ..i make a face and hold my breath so she'll stop before i get to that point. ..not that it doesn't hurt like a;sldfkj already . ..

ahhhhh what ta do . .. 10% inspiration 90% persipiration. ..i need to stop saying my dreams so lightly when i don't even work or pray to attain them. ..

hmmm but on a more positive note.. .i have started exercising again! and i am crush-less =)
and SEE YOU AT THE POLE is in 17 days ^^
and i cleaned like half my room!
and we might have a yg girls' hangout at my house! whoa . .. way to feel useful hehe

Pray without ceasing. - 1 Thessalonians 5:17

Surrounded By Spiritual Apathy

why do people do drugs, drink, and have sex in high school? and why is society so okay with it? what happened to pure and original virtues? integrity? why is there such a lack of foundation established from being raise right? some friends argue that i am naive. ..and perhaps i am. but honestly. it seems as if the travesties of our world increase every day. the world is constantly being ripping apart. people are dying starving homeless and broken hearted. then there are also those who are tangibly set but are inwardly empty. just filling in the voids with sex drinking drugs and who knows what else these days. walking in and out of my school each day, i realize how rare but preciously pure and honest people walk and sit along side me.

sometimes i just sit in class or stand still in wonder-awe at how the very same people who sat next to me in sunday school, the same people who sit/walk to my left and my right, had the same teacher, heard the same words, but have hearts unpenetrated. . ..

if anything, i'm just so thankful for having God-fearing parents who raised and instilled Christ-like values within me. it is truly by God's grace i am where and how i stand today.